I have been asked by a few close friends if my recent illness and hospital stay has anything to do with my Ancestral Trauma Healing work. I do believe it does, but it is more often in retrospect, that these situations show their piece in the bigger picture. I have had a past ‘crisis’ that was most definitely an “initiatory experience”, each and every time that term is used, not only my mind, but my heart remembers the trials included in that visceral experience. In this case, something happened that was certainly more tangible and memorable and perhaps it is my awareness that I know it’s a piece of this healing puzzle.
During the actual hospital stay, I used a prayer several times in several ways that had more to do with the immediate situation and how I was or would react to things, people, procedures. It and my little charm and spray, helped me tremendously, but on the third day I woke in tears, fearful and overwhelmed. I reached for help, but for those moments, I was all alone. I pulled through that time, had supportive loved ones around me and got home and kept working on getting through the medication and regaining some strength. Some might call it a “Dark Night of the Soul” experience.
While I am certainly not a 100% yet, I am stronger and have more clarity than I have in months. A testament to how long I had been silently becoming ill. I won’t say I am ‘back to normal’, not only because I am not recovered completely, but that after going through this crisis, I can feel that my ‘normal’ has changed in significant ways, that I am not even consciously aware of yet.
Now to Friday Night, Saturday Morning, at 3 am, I am wide awake…I tried my normal breathing and Reiki to relax and go back to sleep, nope. That’s when I decided to do a River of Blood meditation, as I was taught by Orion Foxwood, and that seemed to calm me down for the moment. I just relaxed after that, and suddenly there was a wave of energy pass through me, and I felt almost light enough to float. The shift in frequency, awareness, energy…whatever you might call it, passed. I never did get back to sleep, but after the shift, I just relaxed and knew that I was resting my body, even if my mind needed to be awake for some reason. I have continued to feel ‘lighter’ since it happened, even though my pain comes and goes.
I am sure as time goes by, I will find more pieces to connect with this experience, that definitely had some otherworldly aspects to it.
Disclaimer: The ideas expressed in this blog are reflective of my personal path and experience. They are not presented as ‘truth’ to anyone but myself. I hope that they might spur insights in your own life and practices, but each of us have our own journey.